


Memories Best Forgotten

by krazyk2314



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confusion, F/M, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-25 17:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4970209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazyk2314/pseuds/krazyk2314
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are in love with Dean, but have some hidden feelings for Sam. Who will you pick, or will one brother make the choice for you? Is his choice the right one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The amber liquid slid down your throat, warm spreading through your body, creating a false sense of warmth and comfort.

"Another." You told the bartender, who happened to be a thin, middle aged woman, with long ash blonde hair, a pair of worn jeans, and the bar's polo as her uniform. 

The small bar wasn't impressively busy, many of its patrons were too busy watching the game of pool going on, instead of ordering another round.

Sliding another shot over to you, she leans on her elbows, getting down to your height. "Wow, slow down. What's so bad that a sweet girl like you would be drowning her sorrows with whiskey?"

You were used to the implication, that you were too sweet, too delicate to drink whiskey, let alone do your job, even though your job was one of the most dangerous ones out there. Hunting monsters wasn't easy, especially when you were only 5'6", and looked like the girl next door.

"Guys." You replied, before downing the shot, enjoying it as it burned down your throat.

"Your boyfriend being a jerk?" The bar tender implied, leaning back up to grab a towel and clean the battered bar.

"Just the opposite. Dean's amazing. We don't live easy lives, but he tries to shield me from it, best he can. He treats me nice, and I couldn't ask for anything more. " You tell her, starting to slur your words together, a sure sign that you had a little too much to drink.

She stopped wiping down the glasses to give you a confused look. You didn't blame her, here you said you had guy trouble, but also that your boyfriend was a great guy.

"So what's the issue then? She finally asks, handing you another shot.

Shooting back the whiskey, you slam the shot glass down on the table before continuing. "It's his brother! I love my boyfriend, but my feelings have started to change for his brother. He's just so compassionate, and sweet, and whenever he looks at me I feel myself blushing."

"So you have a crush on your boyfriend's brother?" She clarified. 

"That's what I thought at first. But every time our hands touch, the electricity running between them is...And the way he can look at me with those hazel eyes. I don't want to hurt Dean, but what if there really is something going on between Sam and I?" You tell her.

She tips her head, trying to tell you to look behind you, but the whiskey had made your reflexes slow, and you weren't able to move until a warm, callused hand was gently placed on your shoulder.

Keeping your fingers crossed that it wasn't Dean, you glanced up, into a pair of hazel eyes shadowed behind a long lock of brown hair. Just the man you had been talking about.

"Sam?" You stuttered, feeling your face go red, as you wondered how much he had overheard.

"Y/N, is it true? You have feelings for me?" He quietly asked, glancing around to make sure Dean wasn't close by.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" You say, staring down at your lap, not wanting to see the pity, or disappointment from Sam. Sam and Dean were close, closer than any family members you had ever seen, and you knew something like this might not tear them apart, but it could cause a lot of trouble, ending up with you on your own. Because they always chose each other, over everything, even over the safety of the world.

He gently lifts your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes, eyes filled with hope, but also with despair, a difficult combination. 

"You don't know how much I've wanted to hear that."Sam whispered, and you had to strain your ears to hear.

"But Sam, what's going to happen. We both love Dean too much to hurt him over something like this." You cry.

"Right now, it's enough for me, knowing that you might feel the same. I've had these feelings tucked away so long, at first when we rescued you, then when you turned to Dean. Knowing you feel the same, makes it hard, but I will still try to keep it controlled, at leat until you figure out what you need to do." Sam said, cupping your cheek in his big hand, staring down at you, his love evident in his eyes.

Leaning into his touch, you wished things could be different, that they weren't brothers, or the you knew which one you were meant to be with.

Just then, an arm wrapped around your waist, and a head leaned on yours. "You hitting on my girl Sammy?" Dean's deep, whiskey smooth voice said from above your head. You tensed, wondering how Sam was going to handle it.

"Nope, was trying to talk her out of her chair, and into leaving. Seems likes she's had a little too much to drink." Sam explained, and you knew he wouldn't say anything, or do anything to jeopardize your relationship with Dean.

"Thanks Sammy." Dean told him, as he helped you to your feet, keeping his arm around you as the three of you headed to the door.

Kissing the top of your head, Dean leaned down and showed you what was in his hand. "Won 5 big ones off of those stupid frat guys. They couldn't play pool to save their lives."

You chuckled, before glancing behind you, to see Sam ignoring his brother and watching you. And you knew, no matter how hard you tried, things would never be the same between the three of you.


	2. Chapter 2

Two Weeks Later

"Dean stop!" You scream, sliding around the Impala, and out of the way of spray of water. Dean just chuckled, before following you, his weapon of choice, the hose, still dripping in his hand.

"Not until you admit it." He tells you, soaking you once again. You squeal, and turn to run, when you find someone else in the bunkers garage with you, Sam. You quickly hide behind him,  before answering Dean.

"Never." You yell, sounding braver than you were.

"Really Y/N, you're going to hide behind Sam? Who says I won't just soak him too?"

Sam, who had just come up to tell you about another case, never stood a chance. You stayed behind him, and stuck your tongue at Dean. Dean smiled, before turning the hose on, blasting you with the high water pressure. Within seconds, Sam was soaked, and Dean had changed the angle enough that you were too.

"Still fighting? Or are you finally going to admit it?" Dean teased you, shutting the hose off, but keeping it in his hands. 

Your teeth had started chattering from the cold, and you gave in. "Fine I admit it, are you happy now?"

Sam glanced between his brother and you, confusion etched on his face. "You admit what?"

Looking around for a towel, you were frustrated to notice only small microfiber ones, that were useless for you. "I ate the last piece of pie." You muttered. 

"Damn right you did, now you need to make some more." Dean told you, before leaving you and Sam behind in the garage, probably on his way to grab a beer.

"Sorry you got caught in the middle of that." You tell Sam, chuckling at his dripping hair, and soaked button down. Then you looked at his eyes, and how dark they were as he stared hungrily at the clothes sticking close to your body. Instead of feeling embarrassed,  you were turned on, excited that Sam felt that way from looking at you.

"Sam." You breathed, not knowing exactly what you wanted. He stepped closer, raising his hand and wrapping it in your soaked hair, pulling you closer to him. Your lips parted, and your eyes closed, and you waited for the feel of his lips against yours. When it didn't come, your eyes fluttered open, and you looked up, staring into Sam's deeply troubled ones.

"Y/N, we cant." He tells you, and you knew he was right. "I can't do this to my brother, no matter how much I want you, he doesn't deserve this."

You watched, as Sam left the garage, leaving a trail of water drops behind him, as tears fell down your face.

That evening you stayed behind while Sam and Dean went back to the local bar. Changing into sweats, you cuddled on your bed, your head swimming with thoughts. 

Dean was your life line, after they had rescued you from the Demons, he had been there for you, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk to. Things had moved quickly from friends to more, and you loved every minute of it.

Sam had been there too, but in a more silent and compassionate sort of way. He didn't intrude between you and Dean, but he would often know what you needed or wanted without being asked. He was always silently there foe you, and you had grown comfortable with the fact that you could always rely on him, for anything. 

Then, one day, Dean had left for the store, and you and Sam were alone in the motel room.

You closed the book you were reading, placing your head against it in frustration. This hunt was going horribly, you had no clue who was behind the killings.

You felt a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and you glanced up into a pair of friendly hazel eyes. "Don't worry Y/N, we will find who is doing this." He reassured you.

"I just feel like such a failure! I can't do anything right, and I seem to hold you and Dean back more than help. I don't know why you guys even put up with me any more! I've been researching this hunt for two days, and do you know what I've found? Nothing!" You cried, as tears of frustration trailed down your face.

Sam unfurled himself from the couch, and strides over to you. Crouching down on one knee, he gently wipes the tears from your face, before cradling your hands in his own.

"Y /Y, don't you dare think that way! You do so much for both Dean and I, we wouldn't be able to get near as much done without you. You are just as important to this team, as Dean or I am. We both love you so much!" He insisted, trying to make you see your own self worth.

You nodded, trying to control your tears. "Thanks for that Sam, I real appreciate it."

He hesitated before reaching up and cupping your cheek, his eyes showing how earnest he was being. "I'm not saying it to placate you, I'm saying it because it's true. Please believe that."

 

That was the fist time your feelings for Sam were more than friendly. It had confused you, and you pushed them to the back of your mind, concentrating on the hunt.

Cuddling deeper into your blanket, you knew that you needed to make up your mind, that you couldn't be with Dean, while still wanting Sam. That would only create heartache for all of you, and in the long run, you would be the one hurt.

You knew that you weren't being fair to Dean. He was your boyfriend. He made you laugh, and protected you with everything he had. Dean was the one you needed to concentrate your feelings on. You loved him so much.

Tomorrow, you would talk to Sam, and let him know your decision. You knew he would understand, he loved his brother too much too hurt him.

Feeling your eyes get heavy, you let sleep overcome you. However, as your breathing slowed down, you wondered if you weren't making the biggest mistake of your life.


	3. Chapter 3

You woke up to Dean's arms around you, and your cheek snuggled into his chest. Yawning, you realized he must have snuck in some time late last night, and was quiet enough to not wake you.

"Morning sunshine. " His deep voice said quietly, and you tilted your head to see his green eyes staring down at you.

"What time did you guys get in?" You asked, cuddling closer to him. His arm tightened around you, and you sighed contentedly. This was your favorite time, when you were back at the bunker, and you could spend lazy mornings together. 

Dean started running his fingers lightly through your hair, and you could have purred from the feel of it. "Mmm, I'm not sure. I think we stumbled in about 1:30."

Running your fingers up and down his chest, you felt him moan. "You guy don't usually stay out that late."

"Yeah, but Sam seemed pretty down, and was drinking something away. Any idea why? He was pretty tight lipped."

You felt your body tense, before you made yourself relax. "He seemed okay when I talked to him yesterday." You replied.

Dean kissed the top of your head, before sliding out from underneath you. You moaned, instantly missing the heat and comfort his arms offered.

"Dean, come back to bed, please." You begged, wanting your cuddle time to continue. 

Dean gave you an apologetic look while pulling on his jeans. "Sorry sweetheart, I wish I could. But Sam said something about a hunt last night, and we need to get started on research." 

Once Dean left, you climbed out of bed, and pulled on some jeans and a tshirt. By the time you made your way into the the library, both Sam and Dean were deep into research. Instead of joining them, you made your way into the kitchen, needing coffee to get you going.

Waiting for the coffee maker to work, you poured yourself a bowl of cereal, just as Dean came in. Leaning down, he kissed your cheek, before stealing your bowl of cereal. 

"Hey!" You argued, but Dean just gave you one of his adorable smiles, before sitting down and eating your cereal. Knowing fighting was useless, you fixed yourself a cup of coffee instead.

In between shoving bites of food in his mouth, Dean told you about the hunt Sam had found.

"There's been three bodies found so far, each one with their heart ripped out. We're pretty sure it's a simple werewolf hunt."

"So when do we leave?" You asked, before taking a sip of coffee. 

"That's the problem, Sam can't go. He had some issues in that town when he was soulless. So we decided that I would go, and you and Sam would do research here."

You placed your cup down, frustrated. "Why do I have to stay back? I could help you." You argued. 

He placed the bowl in the sink, before coming and wrapping his arms around you, placing you so your head was cradled against his chest.

"Sweetheart, I know you would be a big help, and it's not that I don't want you to go. But I'm worried about Sam, and I wanted you here to keep an eye on him."

"Fine." You mumbled, still not happy about being left behind.

Dean leaned down, pecking your lips before stepping back. "Don't worry, I should be back tomorrow. I'm going to pack right now." Dean said, leaving the kitchen, just as Sam walked in.

Sam grabbed a cup of coffee, before glancing at you. "Why aren't you packing yet? I thought Dean wanted to leave soon."

"I'm staying behind." you told him, surprising him.

Dean's P.O.V.

I quickly grabbed my bag before walking back down the hallway. I set it down on the table, before making my way back to the kitchen to let Y/N know I was ready. I didn't want to leave her behind, but Sam was worrying me. 

Before I could step into the kitchen, I heard raised voices. Sam had joined Y/N in the kitchen, and they were arguing about something. I knew I should head in, but something held me back, and I stayed in the shadows, listening. 

"Why are you staying behind?" Sam asked Y/N.

"Dean's worried about you, he noticed somethings off." Y/N replied, and I was curious what Sam's answer would be.

"Of course something is off, I've fallen for his girl!" Sam said, and I stood there in shock. I knew Sam and Y/N were close, but I never realized he might feel something more. I felt sad for Sam, knowing how hard it would be to love a girl who didn't love you back.

"Sam, I was going to talk to you about that this morning. I know I've told you about my feelings, but I don't want to hurt Dean."   
Y/N's words were like a knife through my heart. I never imagined that she would have the same feelings for Sam.

Not wanting to hear any more, I walked loudly into the kitchen, interrupting what Sam was about to say. He looked guilty, while Y/N just looked sad. 

With my heart breaking, I pretended nothing was wrong, as I told each of them goodbye, and walking away.

Y/N's P.O.V.

You decided to be truthful with Sam, telling him exactly why you were staying behind. 

Sam set his coffe cup down hard, coffe splashing over the side of the cup. "Of course something is off, I've fallen for his girl!" Sam told you, running his hand through his hair in exasperation. 

You hushed Sam, not wanting Dean to overhear. You had wanted to talk to Sam about this, but didn't think now was the best time.   
"Sam, I was going to talk to you about that this morning. I know I've told you about my feelings, but I don't want to hurt Dean."

You watched as Sam stopped pacing, tears in his eyes as he glanced down at his feet. You knew you had hurt him, but you also knew it was for the best. 

Just then, you heard Dean, and his heavy boots, making his waya to the kitchen. Sam quickly wiped his eyes, and you grabbed your coffe cup, hoping the both of you were acting normal enough. 

Dean came into the kitchen, glancing at both of you with a careful gaze. Your heart caught in your throat as you wondered if he overheard, but then he came over, and wrapped you in a hug. "Be back soon. I love you."

Clapping his hand on Sam's shoulder, he told him to keep you safe, before heading to the door. Glancing back you swore you saw a tear in his eye, but he turned and walked away before you were sure.


	4. Chapter 4

After Dean left, you turned back towards Sam. "Sam I'm sorry, I care for you, I really do. But I can't risk what I have with Dean for something that might happen with you."

Sam sat down at the table, cupping his head with his hands. You felt horrible, but you knew in the end somebodys heart was bound to be broken.

Unsure, you pause, before placing your hand on Sam's shoulder, trying to offer some solace, but he shrugs it off before standing up, and moving towards the kitchen door.

Your heart breaks as Sam turns his tear filled eyes on you again. He was controlling his emotions well, but you knew he was upset.

"Sam." You start to say, but the shake of his head cuts you off.

"No Y/N, you don't have to explain, I understand. He's my brother, and I don't want to see him hurt either. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." He tells you, before leaving. 

Shaking, you sat down at the table, staring off into space. Why did doing the right thing have to be so hard? And did you even do the right thing? Tears fell down your face, to gather on the table as you realized things would never go back to the way they were.

Silently you berated yourself for your feelings taking over, and causing havoc in what had been a nice, if not normal, life.

Dean's P.O.V.

Pushing Baby too hard, I sped away from the Bunker, the conversation I had overheard running through my head on repeat. Gripping the steering wheel so tight I thought it might break in half, I cussed my stupidity. 

How could a woman like Y/N, ever want to be with me, when she could have someone like Sam? I was too screwed up to ever find a girl who would love me.

"God Damn it!" I cussed, slamming my hand on the steering wheel, as Baby sped down the old country road. 

"I thought I told you I don't like it when you take my father's name in vain like that." Castiel's voice said from beside me. I jumped, causing Baby to swerve.

"Dude, don't scare me like that, I almost wrecked my car!" I yelled, taking out my emotions on Cas.

He stared at me, before speaking again. "What is wrong? I know it's not because I surprised you. Is it something with Y/N? Or Sam? Are they okay?"

"Yeah, they're just peachy. Probably cheering my leaving by now." I muttered. 

"Dean, pull over." Cas demanded, and I reluctantly agreed. Stopping Baby, I turned in my seat to face Cas.

He was still looking my way, and it started to tick me off. "Cas, I'm not in the mood. What do you need?"

Finally, he spoke. "I don't need anything. I just felt your anxiety, and wanted to check in on you. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Fine, I'll tell you. I just left my brother, and the girl I love declaring their love for each other. Happy now?" I was almost yelling by the time I was done.

"Why would I be happy about that? What are you going to do?"

I thought for a moment. "Go hunt this Damn werewolf, then get so drunk I don't remember anything."

Cas thought for a moment. "Let me go check on them before you do anything drastic, maybe you misunderstood." 

I shrugged. "Whatever you want. I know what I heard." Before the words even left my mouth, Cas was gone, and I pulled Baby back on the road.

 

Y/N's P.O.V

You pushed yourself away from the table, and made your way into the library. Sam was nowhere to be seen, and you were grateful for the silence, and the chance to be alone.

Taking your phone out, you quickly texted Dean:

Let me know when you get there.  
Already bored, send me research.   
Love you.

You waited, Dean always texted you back quickly, but after ten minutes you knew he must be busy. Instead you pulled a book out, settling into an arm chair to read and get your mind off of things.

Just when you were getting to a good part, and were really engrossed in your book, a rustling of wings surprised you.

"Cas!" You exclaimed, always glad to see the trench coated Angel

"Y/N." He replied, staring at you curiously. 

Suddenly, you were uncomfortable with a person you had always felt at ease with. "What is it Cas?"

"Is it true? Do you have feelings for Sam?" He asked, and you felt yourself blushing, wondering how Cas had found out.

"Wait, how did you know?" You stuttered, flustered that he might let Dean know. 

"So it's true?" He asked, and you could see disappointment in his crystal blue eyes.

"Yes, but.." You replied, but Cas vanished after the first word you had uttered.

"Sam!" You yelled, running down the hall, to find him coming out of his room. He looked horrible, his hair sticking up, and his shirt wrinkled. 

"What?" He asked, holding his pistol in front of him, while glancing behind you, looking for the problem.

"It's Cas! He knows about us! What if he tells Dean?" You frantically asked.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair, lowering his gun. "Does it matter? We aren't acting on our feelings. " Sam argued. 

You stomped your foot, annoyed with Sam's lack of empathy. "But it's your brother. He's hot headed, and if he hears this, heads are going to roll!"

Sam nodded, finally agreeing with you. "It's kind of out of our hands now. We will just have to do damage control best we can."

Dean's P.O.V

I was almost to my destination when Cas appeared once again. One look at his face, and I knew my worst fear had been confirmed.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean's P.O.V

Cas was silent as I pulled into the nearest parking lot I could find, but I knew he was staring at me with pity in his blue eyes. Turning the ignition off, I take a deep breath before shifting enough in my seat that I could face the Angel.

"So Cas, tell me what I should do." I softly say, while wishing he hadn't gone and checked, that way I could have still had hope. Instead, he confirmed my worst fear, and now my heart was hurting worse than anything else I had ever felt.

Cas titled his head to the side, a gesture I knew meant that he was confused. "I don't know Dean. I've never been in a position like this."

I was strangely calm, considering what had happened. Normally I would be cussing and throwing things, but here I was, sitting quietly in the Impala, asking for advice from an awkward Angel.

"Do you know what the worst thing is Cas? Is that in a weird way I actually feel happy for them. Sam has had the worst luck with women, it would be nice for him to actually find someone."

Cas squinted his eyes towards me, probably even more confused. "But with Y/N? I thought you loved her." 

Tears formed in my eyes, just at the thought of not seeing Y/N wake with a smile in the morning, or the way she would tuck herself into me when  settling in for the night. Or the way her eyes would sparkle in the sun as she tilted her head up for a kiss.

Clearing my throat, I cleared those thoughts from my mind. "I do love her, but I don't want to hold her back if she loves Sam." 

Turning his head away, Cas stared out of the window, and I wasn't sure he was going to say anything else. Leaning my head back on the seat, I considered my options. I could do this hint, and head back to the bunker, pretending I didn't know anything, and see how they reacted. Or I could do this hunt, and head off on my home, making excuses about why I hadn't come back yet.

"I could just dissappear, let them live their life together. I'm not meant for a long happy life anyway." I mutter, more to myself than to Cas.

He finally turns back to me. "I could help with that. Not that I agree with it, but it might be the best way to go."

I sat up in my seat, curious as to where Cas was going with this. "What do you mean Cas?"

In a very human gesture, Cas studied his fingernails,  and for some reason I found it very funny. However when I started chuckling at it, Cas glared at me. "Do you want help or not?"

"Yes of course I do!" I replied.

"I think the best idea, is for you to go your own way, leave them behind. However I know Sam and Y/N wouldn't go for that. My suggestion is this: I erase their memories of yours. They won't remember you, and they won't remember hunting. They will live a normal life, together, and you can  continue hunting and living at the bunker."

I have to admit, I was shocked at Castiel's idea at first, I didn't want to lose Y/N, but most of all Sammy. We had been through so much together, it almost killed me to know that if I did this, he wouldn't know me. As I almost said no, I realized how much of a gift this could be to Sam. He had always wanted a normal, apple pie kind of life, but things always got in the way, and it was usually my fault. If I did this, he would finally be happy, and free of the hell that Demon had put us through our entire lives.

"Fine, if I do this, can you at least let me turn around, say goodbye? "

"Of course Dean. I know how hard this will be for you." Cas said, and I saw the compassion in his eyes.

Cas decided to ride back to the bunker with me. I knew he wanted to keep an eye on me, to make sure I was okay. I wasn't okay, but I knew in my mind that this was the best way to go, even if it was killing me inside.

Y/N's P.O.V

Dean still hadn't texted you back, and you were getting worried.  It was hours after he had left, and you hadn't heard anything from him or Cas. You had attempted research, but after rereading the same page three times, you had finally gave up.

Instead, you wandered the halls of the bunker, using the darkness for solitude, as thoughts rushed through your head. Thoughts of Dean, where he was, and what he was doing. If Cas had found him, and what had happened if he did. You also worried about Sam. After you told him about Castiel's visit, Sam went back into his room, shutting the door in your face. You didn't blame him, but it still hurt.

As you rounded the corner that brought you back to the kitchen, you heard the main door open. Pulling the knife from your boots, you peeked around the tile, wondering who had gotten into your sanctuary. The first thing you noticed was the bowlegs encased in faded denim. Your eyes traveled up, taking in the flannel shirt, before finally noticing the chin with stubble on it, and the green eyes that looked tired and sad.

Placing your knife back in your boot, you rushed to meet Dean. "Why are you back on early? Is everything okay?" You questioned, glancing over his body, looking for obvious signs of injuries. Waving your concern away, Dean explained. "I was on my way when Garth called. Another hunter was already on the way."

While listening to Dean explain, You couldn't help but notice how his shoulders drooped, how his eyes were missing his usual spark, and how his full mouth was almost in a frown. Something had happened, but he wasn't talking yet.

Trying to take Dean's bag from him, You stopped when You heard the door open again. Your heart froze, as you watched the trench coated Angel step through the door. His eyes caught yours, and a look of disappointment flashed across his face. Your face pale and your eyes wide, you glanced back at Dean, but he was oblivious to your distraught. 

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked, walking past you to set his bag on the table.

You followed behind, worry etched on your face. "He's in his room." 

"I'm here." Sam's voice came from behind you, and you jumped. Sam looked a little better than the hehe last time you had seen him. He had changed shirts, and his hair was neat and tidy.

Grabbing beers from the small fridge in the library, Dean sat down at one of the tables, gesturing to the others. "Help yourself."

You took a beer, and Sam did too, both of you sitting across from Dean. You didn't notice the small twitch in Dean's jaw, as he watched both of you.

Cas sat down next to Dean, clearing his throat before glaring at Dean. Dean glanced back at them, and they seemed to have some sort of silent communication before Dean sat forward, tapping his fingers on the table.

"I just wanted to let you know, I've been thinking a while, and I know I'm not very good at expressing my emotions. I know as a hunter, we keep them bottled up, but I thought it was time for you two to know how much you mean to me."

Both you and Sam were shocked, this was as close to a chick flick moment as Dean had ever gotten. It was starting to sound a lot like a goodbye, and you were afraid. 

"Why are you doing this?" Sam asked, once he had gotten over his shock.

Dean took a sip of beer before replying. "I just wanted to air this out, and let you know how much you mean to me. Sam, I've never been able to express how much you leaving Stanford meant to me, I couldn't have done any of this without you. Y/N, meeting you was the best thing that could have happened to me. Without you, I would be even more of a wreck than I am now." 

He then stood up, and glanced at Cas. Cas nodded, and the three of us watched Dean walk towards his room.

Cas then looked sadly at the two of you. "What I'm going to do next won't hurt, but I just wanted to say I wish there could have been another way. But don't worry, I will keep an eye on the two of you."

Glancing nervously between you, Sam started to reply, but Cas was already around the table, a hand pressed on each of your heads. A bright light filled your eyes, then darkness overtook it.


	6. Chapter 6

One Year Later

 

You were up to your elbows in flour, working on your 5th pie of the morning. Humming to yourself you decided this one would be another apple. So far this morning you've baked pies, and muffins, cupcakes, and doughnuts. This had been your life for the past year, and you loved every minute of your job.

However, as you used the rolling pin to flatten the dough, you knew in the back of your mind that something was missing. Something didn't seem, like you shouldn't be living this life.

Frowning at your thoughts, you put your energy into rolling out the crust for the pie. You knew things hadn't been the same, not since that car accident you, and your fiance Sam had been in. The police officer had said both of you were lucky to be alive, your car had been crushed beyond recognition. You and Sam had both suffered head trauma, which included the loss of some of your memory. The doctors had been astounded that you both had suffered the same injury, and lost the same time frame of memories.

It was frustrating, you remembered meeting Sam, and falling in love, but the rest of your time with him was hazy, as if it was just out of your reach. Your sweet, gigantic Sam was just as confused, his memories just as mumbled. It had taken the two of you months to fall back into a normal relationship, but to you, it still felt forced. You knew that you were meant to be with Sam, but a small part of it seemed fake.

"Y/N? Are those pies ready? We have a customer asking specifically for a whole apple pie." Your employee, Beth asked you, breaking you away from your saddening thoughts.

Smiling at the sweet college student, who happened to be your best, and only, employee, you nodded your head. "Yeah, I have an apple just coming out of the oven. Tell the customer 5 minutes."

Beth nodded her head, her short black bob bouncing with the movement. "You really need to come see him, he is so good looking! Those eyes, and those lips!"

You chuckled at Beth, she always found a customer or two a day to drool over, and she was starting early today. "Sure Beth, I'll bring the pie out to him."

Beth headed back to the front of the bakery, and you dusted the floor off of your simple uniform, jeans, and a plain gray t-shirt, along with a funky plaid apron. Hearing the timer, you pull out the pie, inhaling the sweet aroma coming from it. You placed it in a to go box, and walked out to see the customer for yourself.

Noticing you, Beth nodded her head towards one of the few tables in your bakery, where a tall man sat with his back to you. He was wearing a grey and red plaid shirt, and from the back you could tell he had short dark blonde hair. You suddenly had a weird sensation, almost a knot in your belly as you made your way towards the mysterious man.

Your heart pounding, you stood in front of the man, placing the pie on the table before glancing down at the man. What you saw made your heart stop. The man was breath taking, with his strong jaw line, plump lips, and freckles scattered across his face. He was busy looking down at the local paper, and didn't notice you at first.

Still frozen to your spot, you watched as he came to the realization that you were there. He slowly set the paper down, and looked up at you, his candy apple green eyes framed beautifully in full , dark lashes. His plump lips form a suggestive smile, before dropping open in shock. It looked like you weren't the only one affected by your meeting.

"Morning sir, I heard you wanted an apple pie." You found yourself saying, proud that you could actually form the words. 

"Um, yeah thanks." He replied, mumbling over the words. His face seemed to have paled considerably, and he was having trouble taking his eyes off of you.

You were having the same effect, it was as if you had seen this man before. "You can have Beth ring it up for you, if you want. Or I could do it."

He finally seemed to break out of his spell, "I want you to do it, please. By the way, the name's Dean."

You blushed under his strong gaze, amazed at how this man affected you so quickly. "Y/N." You replied.

"Well Y/N, do you have time for a cup of coffee, before I buy my pie? I'm buying." Dean asked you, and you knew you shouldn't, you should get back to work, but something had you nodding your head. Making your way behind the counter, you poured two cups of coffee while in a daze. Beth walks over to you, nudging your shoulder.

"I told you. He is super yummy!" She told you, glancing over her shoulder to where Dean was still watching you. "I think he has a thing for you." She whispered.

Holding the cups of coffee, you replied, "Well that's too bad for him isn't it? I already have a great man waiting for me at home."

Placing the cup of coffee in front of Dean, you slid into the seat across from him. Instead of picking it up, he continued his inspection of your face, and you squirmed in your seat, a little self conscious under his heated stare.

"So Y/N, how are you?" He finally asked.

"I'm fine. Been busy, but fine." You replied. 

He shook his head, not satisfied with your answer. "No really, how are you? What have you been up to?" He asked, and he seemed genuinely interested.

You found it easy to talk to him, as if you had known him forever. You told him about Sam, the wreck, and how you had finally been able to open up your bakery. He didn't say anything, instead he quietly listened, an intent look to his face, and at what point you almost detected sadness on his face. When you were done talking, both of your coffees were cold and forgotten, but it didn't matter.

"So, you and Sam, you're happy together?" He asked, and you could tell he was really interested in your answer.

You thought for a moment, wondering how to answer the question. You were happy with Sam, but something didn't seem right, but you weren't sure you should burden Dean with your feelings. After all, he was still a stranger who had just listened to your life story.

However, once you started to shrug off his question, you felt yourself blurt out the words. "I honestly don't know. I love Sam, he's such an amazing man. But something doesn't seem right, like we were almost forced to be together. Sounds stupid, right?"

What looked almost like hope on Dean's face was quickly replaced, as if he had put on a mask. He then stood up, pulling out cash from his wallet. 

You shook your head, not wanting to accept money from him. He tried again, but you pushed his hand away. "It's on the house. Especially after you listened to me complain about my life for the last hour. It's the least I could do."

Putting the money back in his wallet, he stuck his hand out, and you awkwardly shook it. He then handed you a card with a phone number on it. "Listen, I enjoyed listening to your story today. You are an amazing woman, and Sam is very lucky to have you. I don't think he knows how lucky. Anyways, I will be in town a couple of days on a job, if you need anything, or want to talk, don't be afraid to call."

Acting on instinct, you pulled Dean into a hug, breathing in his masculine scent of leather, whiskey, and musk. Being in his arms felt like being home. You gave yourself an extra moment, before you pulled away. Glancing up, you noticed Dean's eye shimmering with tears.

"What?" You asked, but he just shook his head, a sad smile on his face.

"Say hi to Sammy for me." He whispered, before grabbing his pie and walking out the door. You watched until you could no longer see him, tears in your eyes, and a hole in your heart.


	7. Chapter 7

That night, you slowly made your way back to the small, older house that you and Sam shared. The rest of your day had been uneventful, giving you plenty of time to wonder about the strange visit from the man named Dean. Every time your eyes closed, his eyes were the first thing you saw. No matter what, you hadn't been able to get Dean out of your head, and you were glad when you could turn the open sign to closed.

 

  Opening the front door, you walked in to the smell of dinner cooking. Sam had beaten you home, and you could hear him moving about the kitchen. Tossing your keys onto the table by the door, you shrugged your coat off, hanging it up before making your way to the kitchen. Sam was busy cutting up vegetables for a salad, while pasta simmered on the stove. He glanced up, smiling at you, before walking over to you and enveloping you in a hug, you leaning into him. "Long day huh?" He asked, knowing how you got after a busy day.

 

Returning to the cutting board, he resumed cutting the vegetables while you opened the fridge and poured yourself a glass of wine. After taking a sip, you answered. "Not long, just weird. How was your day? Classes going good?" You asked. Sam was going to the local college, resuming his decision to go into law school. He had taken some years off, but neither of you could remember why. That was part of the memory he had lost.  Tossing the salad together, he answered. "Classes were okay. Got an A on my test today, otherwise pretty boring. Why don't you go sit at the table, dinners almost ready. Then you can tell me all about your weird day."

 

Following Sam's orders, you made your way to your small dining room table. Neither you or Sam had a lot of friends for entertaining. Taking another sip, you questioned how you were going to bring up the subject of Dean, and his last comment. It almost seemed like Dean had known Sam, and you were curious. Once Sam had placed dinner on the table, and the two of you had started eating in silence, you finally brought up Dean. "So I had a weird visitor at work today. His name was Dean." You started off casually.

 

Sam looked at you, a fork halfway to his face. "Did he hit on you? I could always take tomorrow off, make sure he doesn't return." Sam told you, concern on his face.

 

Quickly you reassured him. "No he was really nice, I don't think there was anything to worry about. It just seemed like he knew me, from the time period we can't remember. He seemed familiar."

 

Sam thought for a moment before answering. "Maybe. But wouldn't he have said anything if he had known you?" Realizing Sam was right, you dropped the subject, and the rest of dinner was eaten in silence.

 

You did the dishes while Sam studied for his next test. The silence was deafening, so you turned on music to keep you company, turning to your favorite classic rock station. Only moments passed before Sam stuck his head in to the kitchen. "Y/N, can you turn that down? It's too loud and annoying while I'm studying."

 

Agreeing, you shut it off before heading up the stairs, on your way to bed. After today, you were exhausted and ready to crash. After your nightly routine, you lay in bed, knowing it would be awhile before Sam stopped studying and joined you. Your eyelids slowly grew heavy, and you welcomed sleep.

 

" _Hurry Up YN, those vampires won't kill themselves!" Dean yelled at you, as you ran behind him on your way to the large barn in front of you._

 

_"Well if you keep yelling, they might just end up killing us!" You argued, adrenaline rushing through your veins._

 

_Dean stopped in front of you, and you almost ran into his back. Giving you his usual, full of himself smile, he pointed left then at you. Understanding, you went to the door on the left, while Dean took the double doors on the right._

 

_Softly pushing against the door, you wince when it groaned. Sticking your head through the door, you saw an empty hall ahead of you. Walking on the packed dirt, you checked in each stall, seeing signs of vampires living there, but no fangs yet._

 

_At the end of the hall, you come to a set of double doors. Pushing them open, your heart freezes at the scene in front of you. Dean was being held by a bald, burly man, while a petite, dark haired woman stroked her hand down Dean's cheek._

 

_"My, aren't you gorgeous. We need another good looking member, you killed our last one." You heard her say. Dean jerked his head away. "Sorry, I'm not really in the mood to be pimped out. Kinda cramps my style." He started off, earning a swift jab to the ribs from Bruto._

 

_You stayed in the shadows, making your way to the trio. The female vampire had taken Dean's knife, and was running it down his chest. Knowing know was the time, you ran out of the shadows, using your Machete to slice through her kneck._

 

_You turned to attack Bruto, but he was prepared, showing his fangs. "I dare you. Take a step closer, and pretty boy becomes my dinner." You swung your Machete, acting braver than you felt. "Oh yeah, what are you going to do with out your boss?" You teased._

 

_He smiled at you, his fangs giving you the creeps. "This." He told you before biting into Dean's neck. Dean moaned in pain, and you rushed forward, pulling your other knife out of your boot, stabbing Bruto in the back, trying to distract him. It worked, he turned on you with a roar. Waiting for him to charge, you swung, using his momentum to slice his head off._

 

_Breathing hard, you glanced behind Bruto's headless body, seeing Dean lying bloody on the ground. Rushing over to him, you fall on your knees, sobbing. "Come on Dean! You'll be fine! Please wake up!" He slowly opened his eyes, smiling at you, before they closed again. "Dean!" You yelled, before you felt someone shaking you._

 

Someone was shaking you awake, "Y/N! Come on sweetheart, wake up!" You heard Sam yelling at you. Opening your eyes, you saw Sam's worried face above yours, his long hair shadowing his face.

 

Once he saw your eyes were opened, he sighed in relief. "You were screaming and sobbing in your sleep. Scared the shit out of me." He  said, sitting back and running his hand through his hair. Your heart was still pounding, and you felt a light film of sweat over your body.

 

Assuring Sam you were okay, he leaned over, shutting the light off, and the room was once again bathed in darkness. Soon, you heard Sam's gentle snoring, telling you he had quickly fallen asleep again. You were too worked up, still high on the adrenaline rushing through your body from the dream.

 

Slipping out of bed, you were careful not to wake Sam back up. Quietly walking down the stairs, you made your way into the kitchen, turning the light on and pulling out a bottle of whiskey. Taking a deep sip, you welcomed the burning sensation the whiskey brought.

 

Then, you started wondering. You've been having strange dreams lately, about monsters, and guns, an old car, and a faceless man who meant more to you than anything. Then Dean visited you in your bakery, and that night he was the star of your dreams. Either he affected you more than  you thought, or he was really part of your past.

 

Taking another sip, you contemplated your next move. Knowing you wouldn't feel at ease until you talked to Dean again, you pulled your phone, and his card out and texted him.

 

_Is it alright if we meet tomorrow and talk?_

Within a moment you received a reply back.

 _Sure. Is everything okay? You're up pretty late_.

You felt oddly comforted by his concern. You quickly texted a reply.

_Really weird dream woke me up. Breakfast tomorrow okay?_

Once again, his text back was almost instant.

_Breakfast is great. 9 at Judy's Diner?_

You loved Judy's Diner.

_Sounds good. Thank you._

_Sleep well_ was his reply.

Putting your phone, and the whiskey down, you decided to head back to bed. Sam was sprawled out, his long hair covering half of your pillow. Laughing inside, you pulled it over a little, before climbing into bed. Cuddling into your sheets, you were surprised when a large arm wrapped around your middle, pulling you closer to him.

"Everything okay?" He mumbled, still mostly asleep.

"It will be." You answered, thinking about your meeting tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

Groaning, you covered your eyes with your arm, trying to pull the blankets over your head. Hearing laughter from across the room, you opened your eyes enough to glare at Sam.

"Really? You couldn't have found a better way to wake me up?" You grumbled, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Sam was already dressed, in jeans and a long sleeve buttoned down shirt.

"Sorry honey, but you never sleep in this late, even on a day off. I'm taking off, and I wanted to make sure you were awake before I left." Sam explained, before leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

"Good luck with classes." You told him as he left the room. Glancing at the alarm clock, you realize you had just enough time for a quick shower before you had to meet Dean for breakfast. Just thinking about it brought butterflies to your stomach, and you wondered if you were doing the right thing.

45 minutes later, you found yourself straightening your simple green tshirt before opening the door to Judy's. Glancing around the small family owned restaurant you failed to find Dean.

The usual hostess, Julia, smiled at you. "Just you?"

Shaking your head, you showed her two fingers. "I'm meeting a friend of mine. He should be here soon." Julia showed you to a booth near the back, where you could see the door, but it also offered you a bit of privacy. 

Minutes ticked past, but Dean still hadn't shown up. Your coffee was brought to you, and you were almost ready to order when you heard the tinkling of the bell hanging on the door.

You watch as Dean walked in, his eyes scanning the place before finally settling on you. His full lips break open into a smile as he notices you, his long legs striding over to you. You drink in the sight of him, his long, lean legs, his firm chest covered in a black tee and a red flannel, and his face, with all the freckles and the striking jawline. 

"I wasn't sure you were coming. " You blurt out awkwardly, inwardly groaning at how stupid you sounded.

He slides into the booth before answering. "I'm sorry, ran into an old friend, lost track of time."

Once the waitress took your order, you both fell into a difficult silence, you not knowing how to start the conversation, while Dean waited patiently. 

Knowing Dean was there because of you, you found the courage to speak, watching those almost moss colored eyes fixate on yours. What was hiding in them? You could have almost sworn you had seen hope, even affection, but then they were clouded over with a look closer to pain.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I'm sorry about the late night text messages." You start to say, startled when Dean's rough hand covers your much smaller one.

"Don't ever be sorry for contacting me. Ever. I know we haven't known each other very long, but I want you to know I will always be there for you."

You blushed under the intensity of his stare, and his comment, feeling almost light headed at the thought of having this wonderful man there for you. Then an image of Sam popped into your head, flooding you with feelings of guilt and shame. You slowly withdraw your hand from Dean's, missing the hurt look crossing his face.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked, changing the subject, just as breakfast was delivered. 

You waited to answer his question, instead focusing on eating, giving you a chance to figure out what you wanted to say.

"I know how stupid this sounds, but when I saw you yesterday, it felt like I've known you before. Then last night I had the weirdest dream, and you were in it. It really rattled me, and I knew I needed to talk to you about it."

His eyebrows furrowed, his face showing his confusion. "You dreamt about me? Sweetheart, I'm flattered, but shouldn't you be dreaming about Sam?"

Flustered, you tried to explain again. "I know, I feel horrible dreaming about another man while Sam is sleeping next to me. But I couldn't help it. It was so vivid, and real, like it had actually happened. I could smell the mold of the building, I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins, and I could feel your blood on my hands."

Dean's expression turned to shock and disbelief, his mouth opening and closing multiple times before he found the words to say.

"What exactly happened in your dream? Tell me everything." He demanded. 

So you explained about the vampires, and him being hurt, and he listened, a troubled look on his face.

"Please don't think I'm crazy." You begged, after you finished telling him your dream.

"Sweetheart, I know your not crazy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get in contact with a friend. He might be able to help." Dean explained, before striding out the door.

You turned your attention back to your breakfast, but you were no longer hungry, your pancakes becoming a way to pass the time. Ten minutes went by, and you wondered if Dean would be coming back. Your waitress gave you a sympathetic smile as she filled your coffee cup, and you knew she thought you had been ditched.

You started to pull your wallet out, giving up, when Dean came back through the door, followed by a man in a long tan trench coat. Dean slid into the seat, and the man followed suit.

Dean was the first one to speak. "Y/N, this is Cas, I want you to tell him about your dream."

You looked between both men, confusion evident on your face. "Why did you call him Cas, his name is Ryan? He's been one of my regular customers for as long as my bakery's been open. How can he help me?"


	9. Chapter 9

You watched as Dean stared wide eyed at Ryan, or Cas, or whatever the hell his name was. Everything had gotten incredibly weird, and you were thinking the best idea would be for you to leave. Grabbing your purse, you started to slide out of the booth when you felt a hand on yours. Knowing automatically it was Dean's, you stared up into his forever green eyes, daring him to say something, anything to make you stay.

"Y/N, please stay. I can explain,  I promise." Dean pleaded, his eyes showing his honesty. You slid back down into the seat, setting your purse next to you. Dean waited until you were seated once again before letting out a sigh of relief.

"Cas, sit down." Dean demanded, and the man in the trench coat followed his directions, sitting next to him. 

"Y/N, I know this is going to sound weird, but please hear me out before you think I'm completely looney."

You nodded, intrigued by Dean's admission. What would be so bad that he was nervous you would think he was crazy?

"His name really is Cas, and he's my friend. He has been posing as Ryan to make sure you were safe." Dean started.

Twirling your straw through your fingers, you questioned,  "So you do really know me from before the accident?"

Dean nodded,  "I'm so sorry Y/N, it was all my fault." You interrupted him,  "What was your fault? You think the wreck was? The guy who caused it died, they found him further down the road."

Dean ran his hand through his hair, frustrated at how the conversation was going. He looked at Cas, and they seemed to have a silent conversation between the two of them before Dean's green eyes connected with yours again.

"I promised myself that I would never bother you, that I would let you and Sam live your life in peace, that the two of you deserved to be happy." Dean said fast, so fast you weren't sure you caught every word. 

Following your instinct, you place your hand over his, effectively stopping his ramblings. His tear filled eyes stared into yours, and your heart broke for him.

Gently you spoke,  "Can you please start from the beginning?"

That's when Cas finally spoke up. "Y/N, I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm afraid that once he starts talking, you might start remembering and I'm not sure how your brain will handle that."

Confused, you looked at him, waiting for more. However he was done talking, and you sat there for a moment taking it all in. You had known these men previously, but had no idea what they even meant to you. There was a special connection between you and Dean, and you wondered what your previous relationship had been, and how it fit in with your relationship with Sam.

Frustrated, you placed both hands on the table, alternating stares between Cas and Dean. "You can't just show up in my life, day these things, turn it upside down, then expect me to sit back and not want to know what happened before the accident!"

Breathing heavily, you leaned back, waiting for their responses. Dean was the first one to speak, mumbling his words. 

"What?  I didn't understand that." You told him.

"I said, there was never an accident, it was just staged!"

You looked at him in shock, wonder why someone would stage something like that.

"Why the hell would someone stage something like that? Don't they know how much it's changed my life? And Sam's?"

You looked at Dean then, noticing the guilt on his face, the self hatred. "Wait, did you stage it?" You whispered. 

He shook his head, confusing you. "I didn't. I had Cas. I'm so sorry."

With tears streaming down your cheeks, you could hardly for the words. "But why? Why did you have Cas do that. "

You were ignoring all the stares that were sent your way, but Cas and Dean hadn't. "Maybe we can take this conversation elsewhere. " Cas suggested. 

You agreed. You wanted to finish this, but you knew a diner wasn't the best place. Maybe somewhere else Dean would stop circling around your questions, and you would finally have some answers. "Let's go back to my place."


	10. Chapter 10

Dean had decided to follow behind, not wanting to leave his precious car behind at the diner. Cas rode with him, giving you some time alone to process exactly what was going on. Everything you remembered, was a setup. You had always thought it weird that your memories before the wreck were fuzzy, but you had known head trauma worked in mysterious ways. 

You knew you couldn't go back to the way things had been, Dean had ruined that for you, without meaning to. Being curious by nature, you knew you wouldn't rest until you found out what you needed to know. Hopefully once you were in the safe confines of your house, you could plead with Dean to tell you his secret, to make you understand exact what was going on.

You were so busy contemplating the future, and trying to remember the past, you failed to notice the truck speeding towards you. The honking from the car behind you, Dean's car, woke you from your thoughts, just in time to see the grill of the truck connect with your drivers side. You were thrown sideways, the seat belt the only thing holding you in the car. The force of the truck pushed your car to the side, colliding with a telephone pole. As you heard the sickening crunch of metal being bent and broken, you watched in slow motion as your head moved towards the dash, your forehead connecting with the hard plastic. Just then the airbag expanded, pushing you back in your seat. Moaning, you felt a liquid substance running down your face, before stinging your eye. Wiping it away, you realized it was blood, your blood.

Over the ringing in your ears, you heard shouting. Turning your head, you gasped at the pain exploding from your head. Dean was pounding on the door, trying to open it, but the truck was still pinning your car to the pole. 

You could just make out Dean's words, while your entire world started to fade away. "Y/N! Hold on! Please hold on Baby, I can't lose you again!"

Weakly, you smile at him, before the overwhelming pain faded into the oblivion that unconsciousness brought you.

\-----------------------------

The beeping is the first thing you registered as the fog tried to lift from your brain. A steady, gentle beeping that you quickly recognized as a heart monitor. You heard voices, quiet voices, arguing. You could just make out what they were saying.

"Doc, how is she?" A deep voice, you recognized as Dean's asked.

A female voice answered quickly,  and calmly. "It was touch and go for a while. The wreck was pretty nasty, and we are really worried about the trauma to the brain. Right now she is in a medically induced coma, and we have to wait for the swelling to go down before we can tell too much."

"But she will wake up, won't she?" Dean asked, his voice rising in panic.

"She should, in a day or two. What we don't know, is how it affected her. She might have temporary, or short term memory loss."

You tried to stay awake, to let them know you were with them, but the darkness pulled you back down.

\---------------------

This time when the fog lifted, you knew it was for good. You could feel the dull edge of pain coursing through your body. Your head felt like someone took a sledgehammer to it, your ribs felt like they had been run over by a truck, and your mouth felt like you had tried to eat a bucket of cotton.

Groaning, you opened your eyes, quickly blinking them against the bright overhead lights. You attempt to push yourself up, moaning at the pain coursing through your body.

A pair of strong, callused hands grabbed you by the shoulders, helping you sit up. Moving your gaze passed the hands, you follow the arms to a pair of wide strong shoulders, before your gaze landed on a pair of moss green eyes. Dean stared down at you, worry etched on his face, along with the stubble caused by not shaving for multiple days.

"Woah, take it easy Y/N." He demanded.

"Dean?" You started to say, your voice croaking from lack of use. Dean handed you a cup of water, and you gratefully took it, enjoying the feel of the cool liquid running down your throat, erasing the feel of cotton mouth. 

"How do you feel? What do you remember?" He questioned you, sitting at the edge of the bed. 

"Like I was hit by a truck." You replied, and he chuckled.

Just then, Sam walked into the hospital room, and Dean stood up, standing awkwardly by the side of your bed. "She just woke up." He explained to Sam.

Sam glanced between you and Dean, before coming to stand at the other side of your bed. Nothing was spoken, and you could feel the unease coming from both men, and you wondered how things had been while you had been unconscious. 

Dean finally broke the silence, "I'm going to go get some coffee, give you two some space."

Sam nodded, not taking his eyes off of you. Dean left the room, and it was only after that that Sam seemed to relax, his shoulders slumping a bit, as the stress and worry he had been hiding showed through.

"How are you?" Sam asked, taking your hand, and placing it in his large one.

"Sore, but I'll be okay." You replied.

Sam seemed deep in thought, and moments passed before he spoke again. "The doctor said the trauma might have caused some memory problems, or loss. Do you notice anything different?"

It was true, at first you hadn't noticed anything. But as Sam raised the question, you became more aware of a building pressure in your head, and memories that hadn't been there before. Memories of monsters, and blood, wielding weapons, and a military type home. The one thing that stuck out to you, was Dean. Dean was in most of the new memories. Memories of him holding your hand, him stealing the last bite of pie, Dean smiling at you from the drivers seat of the Impala, Dean pulling you in tightly for a kiss.

"I remember. " You simply said, earning a confused look from Sam.

"So you didn't lose any memories? That's great!"

You shook your head, moaning at the motion. "No Sam, I remember everything that happened before the accident, the staged accident. "


	11. Chapter 11

You watched as Sam stood there, his mind working hard as he tried to process exactly what you had meant. He opened his mouth to speak, but was drowned out by the return of Dean.

"How's it going?" Dean asked, oblivious to the tension that was slowly filling the room.

Sam was the first to reply. "Y/N, just said she remembers everything."

You saw Dean smile widely, but you knew he didn't understand what Sam had meant.

"No Dean, I remember everything, even the things before the wreck." You explained, watching as it slowly dawned on him. You felt your feelings shift towards him, your old feelings towards him resurfacing,  along with those of resentment and anger.

Dean stayed frozen in his spot, worry on his face. "You do?"

You nodded, before grabbing Sam's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Sam, do you think you could give us a minute. I really need to talk to Dean."

You could tell Sam didn't want to leave, he didn't trust Dean, and he was worried about you. But he complied, staring at Dean before he left. 

As soon as he was gone, Dean rushed over to your side, sinking down onto the side of your bed. "You remember? Then you know I just did what I thought was best." Dean started to explain. 

"Can it Dean. How could you do something like that? What gave you the idea that you knew best what I wanted?"

Dean's head dropped, and he fiddled with the sheets a moment before he finally answered, regret and guilt evident in his voice. "Y/N, I'm so sorry, I just saw the way the two of you looked at each other, and I overheard your conversation the day I was going on that hunt. I thought you were going to leave me for Sam."

You clearly remembered that day, the day you had told Sam you were going to stay with Dean. Dean must have misunderstood,  but that still didn't excuse his actions.

"Dean, if you had listened to the whole conversation, you would have heard me gently turning Sam down. I loved Sam, but I loved you more."

Dean finally glanced up at you, his tear glazed green eyes, staring directly into your (eye color) eyes. "God, I've been so stupid. What the hell are we going to do now?"

You shook your head, unsure what to do next. No matter what way you decided, it would hurt someone you loved. "I really don't know."

Just then Castiel appeared in your hospital room, startling both you and Dean. "Y/N, I'm glad to see you awake."

Dean moved off the bed, and walked over to Cas, whispering in his ear. Once Dean stepped back, Cas stared at you, concern etched on his face.

Cas strode over to you, his tan trench coat flapping behind him. He raised his hand over your head, two fingers ready to press them against your temple. You reached up, grabbing his wrist and stopping him. 

"You're not trying to make me forget again, are you?" You nervously asked. 

Cas shook his head before explaining, "I just want to make sure you were okay, to make sure there were no lasting effects of the spell."

Understanding, you nodded, letting him know to go ahead. Dean stepped forward, and tried to hold your hand, but you pulled away, still upset. Cas placed two fingers on your forehead, and you felt a warmth spread through you, healing your injuries.

Once he was done, he stepped back and you noticed his smiling face. "I healed the rest of your injuries, so now everything is alright. I didn't notice any lasting effects from recovering your memory."

Feeling much better, you started to stand up, knowing the doctors would have questions if they came back and found you miraculously healed. Dean grabbed some clothes that Sam had packed for you, turning his back while you changed. Then you came up with a plan, Cas would zap you out of the hospital, while Dean would get Sam. Then you would meet back at your house.

Dean gave you a lingering look before leaving you alone with Cas. You knew you had hurt his feelings when you didn't take his hand, but you were still upset with the fact that he had made a major decision for you.

Cas placed his shoulder on your hand, and suddenly you were back in your living room. You sat on the couch, patting the cushion next to you, inviting Cas to join you. He did, knowing you had questions you wanted answered.

Taking a moment to gather your thoughts, you fiddled with your hands. "Why Cas? Why did you go along with it? What am I supposed to do now?"

Cas answered you quickly, "Because I couldn't see my best friend suffering that bad. I had overheard the same conversation, and thought that we were doing the right thing. As for now, what do you want to do? You have memories from both lives, you get to choose."

You stood up and started pacing. "Yeah but somebody will always end up getting hurt. I loved Dean, still do, but I've created a good life here, with Sam. Should I just throw all of that away? And what's Sam going to do? He doesn't remember anything, and it breaks my heart that he's riding home with his brother, and doesn't even know it!"

"He does now." Cas replied, and you turned to see Sam and Dean standing behind you, shock clearly evident on Sam's face.


	12. Chapter 12

You open and closed your mouth multiple times, trying to find the words to say, to explain things to Sam. He stared at you, then Dean, before striding away and into the kitchen.

You glanced at Dean, who gave you a sympathetic look. You sighed, before following Sam's steps into the kitchen. You found him, leaning down, pulling a bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet.

"One for me please." You say, trying to gauge his mood. He silently pulled out two glasses, and poured the drinks before handing one to you. After both of you had taken a sip, he turned to face you.

"So is that one of the things you remembered?  That Dean is my brother?" He asked. 

"Yes. Why don't we go into the living room, and we can all explain everything. " You told him, placing your hand on his arm.

Sam stared down at you, sadness turning his hazel eyes murky. "Y/N, were you...I mean...Before the accident were you and Dean, together?"

You knew this would come up sooner or later, and you knew that this moment would forever change your relationship with Sam.

Taking his hand in yours, you watched your smaller hand disappear in his large one. "Sam, before the accident, it was very complicated. I was in love with Dean, and we were happy together. But you were there, my best friend, and I couldn't help but develop feelings for you too. You had told me you were in love with me, but we tried to stop it, we didn't want to hurt Dean."

Sam's head was down, so you couldn't see his reaction, but you watched as he rubbed his thumb up and down your skin. When he spoke, his voice was very quiet. "Then what happened?" 

A tear slipped down your cheek as you answered. "I never wanted to hurt you, but I had made my decision to stay with Dean. When I told you, Dean overheard, but not all of it, and he thought he was doing the right thing by having Cas changes our memories."

He looked up then, and his pain was evident in his face, unshed tears in his eyes. "Can Cas return my memories? I want to remember for myself."

The two of you walked back into the living room, where both Cas and Dean were seated, waiting for you. Dean stood up, but was unsure what to do next. You smiled sadly at him, before sitting next to Cas on the couch. 

"Cas, I know you said it might not work, but is there anyway you can return Sam's memories?"

Cas shook his head. "It's too tricky. Even if we try it and it works, there's nothing saying the mixed memories won't make him go insane."

You shook your head, disbelieving Castiel's words. "But I remember. And I am fine."

"Which I am very surprised about. Maybe because yours was trauma related, I don't know."

Sam spoke up then, standing up for himself. "Don't I get a say in the matter? After all, I'm the one with a girlfriend in love with my brother, a brother I don't even remember."

It took more time, and more arguments from both you and Sam, but finally Cas relented. Before he performed the procedure, Dean came over, clapping his hand on Sam's shoulder. 

"Hey Sammy, I know you don't remember me, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for messing everything up. I was just trying to do what I thought was best for my girl, and my pain in the butt brother. But life without has been a drag, and it will sure be nice having you back."

You smiled, though inside your heart was breaking. You knew how dangerous this could end up being, and that there was always the possibility of losing Sam for good. You gently kissed him on the cheek, before Dean pulled you away.

Cas made Sam lay down on the couch, giving him a leather strap to place in between his teeth. Cas rolled up his sleeve, and then placed his hand on Sam's forehead. Instead of the warmth you had felt, Sam was feeling a blinding pain as Cas broke down the wall that had hidden his previous memories. He was moaning and thrashing about on the couch, and you turned your head into Dean's chest, trying to escape the torture that was happening in front of you.

After only a minute, which seemed like hours, the room quieted, and you turned to see Cas rolling his sleeve down, and Sam asleep.

"Now what?" You questioned, slowly pulling yourself out of Dean arms.

"Now we wait, and see what he's like when he awakes, if he wakes up." Cas explained. 

Needing to be busy, you moved into the kitchen, gathering items to make dinner for everyone. The mundane, everyday actions soothed you, and for a moment you could relax, and forget about the recent events.

That was, until you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist, and a head leaned against yours. "How are you holding up?" Dean's deep voice questioned quietly, and you relaxed for a moment in his arms. You hadn't realized how much you had missed this, the comfort of being wrapped in Dean's embrace, where nothing bad could ever happen to you. 

"I don't really know. My life has been turned upside down in the matter of days, and my boyfriend is acting out sleeping beauty, while I'm wrapped in the arms of my other boyfriend."

Dean chuckled at your description of Sam, but quickly grew serious again. "I just wanted to tell you, that I will stand by whatever decision you make. If you want to stay here, with Sam and this normal life, I understand. But just know how much I love you, and how empty my life has been this year."

You turned in Dean's arms, so your head rested on his chest. You stayed that way, listening to his heart beat, and you knew your answer. Tilting your head up, you stood on tip toes and gently placed your lips on Dean's, a sweet chaste kiss that let Dean know without words what you had decided. 

His hands made their way onto the nape of your neck, pulling you closer, turning a chaste kiss into one deeper, and more passionate.

Finally coming up for breath, you explained your actions. "I love Sam, I do. But it's more of a love between best friends, or siblings. Dean, you have my heart, you always have, and I couldn't imagine another year without you. I know it's going to be hard, but maybe we can figure out a way to go back to the three, or four if you count Cas, of us saving the world, and being close."

You heard a throat clearing behind you, and you turned to see a disheveled Sam leaning against the door. Blushing, you pulled out of Dean's arms.

"Sam, how are you feeling?" You started to say, but he waved it off.

"I'm fine, I remember everything, with only a monster headache to show for it. Cas had to leave, but said he would be back. By the way, I overheard everything you and Dean talked about."

"And?" Dean asked, standing beside you, giving you support, but you knew he was hurting for his brother. 

"And, I know it's going to be hard, but I agree. I would love for things to go back to the way they were. Not to say anything against you, but this year proved that we are better off friends. Your meant to be with Dean."

Shocked, but happy that Sam was okay with everyone's decisions, you rushed over to him, kissing him on the cheek and giving him a hug. Dean came over too, waiting for his turn to hug his brother.

"Man Sammy, it's nice to have you back." He exclaimed, patting Sam on the back.

"Oh, Dean? If you ever pull something like that again, I'm going to have to hurt you." Sam said, partially joking.

You smiled, cuddling against Dean's side, as you were glad things had finally worked out. You knew that the next couple of months would be awkward, but you had dealt with worse. At least you had your best friend back, and the man of your dreams was in your arms once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!!


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